Single Minded


I read an article today by this girl in her early 30s who wanted to let us all know that it's okay to be single at that age. She said her mum didn't marry until she was in her late 30s and says her own marriage (in her late 20s), was a rushed affair that she went into because she felt the pressures of society and as a consequence they divorced quite soon afterwards. It's okay, she says, to want a life of "your own" before you settle down. Get your career sorted etc. And I read it and I got it but I also kind of rolled my eyes a bit.

I mean sure it's okay to be single, I don't feel like that's a revelation to most of us these days. The thing for me and those singletons that I know, is that we don't actually want to be single. We don't feel like we should be or have to be with someone. We actually want to be in a relationship.

I was engaged, married and divorced between the ages of 24 and 30 (thank you, thank you) not too dissimilar to the author of the aforementioned piece. But I loved being married. I loved hearing my ex-husband's key in the door when I was home before him. I remember running into his arms after any extended time apart and the joy at sharing my bed, home and life with someone I loved and cared about. I miss that.

The writer talks about reconnecting with her old friends and meeting new ones etc now that she is single. I get that, because I've met lots of people since my own divorce and I continue to meet some amazing people. But my husband was my BEST FRIEND. Long after we separated I would see things and want to call him straight away to tell him of the funny/random/ridiculous thing I just saw. I was in Paris a few weeks ago and I saw this tacky tourist thing that we bought when we were there getting engaged - almost a decade ago. I didn't because I have boundaries (lol) but I instantly wanted to share that with him. We didn't have anywhere near a perfect life together but I was completely committed to it regardless.

Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I'm a super independent woman. I don't need a man etc. I grew up with a single parent so I've seen it modelled and my mum did an amazing job (clearly) but that's just not what I want for me.

The Me that exists now is a lot different to the one who was married in her 20s. I thought I knew it all then, had it all figured out. Years later I am super proud of the woman I've become, and I know that's the sum of my experiences - shitty or otherwise. But, while marriage isn't my idol, for me it was an enhancement of my life and it's definitely something I still want a part of.

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  • One response to “Single Minded”

    1. V says:

      Hey Girl,
      I hear you. While I’ve yet to be married. Like you I find myself rolling my own eyes at some of the “encouragement” to singles who genuinely desire the partnership of marriage, whether it’s coming from the pulpit or an article. I just want people to be real instead of so “correct” – that’s why I love reading your stuff. No fluff, just behind the veil truth about what’s real for you. And maybe the others I roll my eyes at are sharing what’s real for them and I just simply don’t connect with their POV which is cool. Anyway, as I wait on God to lead me in this area I am striving to do so without too much of an attitude and with a focus on purpose and completion of the various projects I started. Besides who knows what’s waiting for us around the corner…

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