Relationship Matters

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Relationship Matters

Have you ever found that when you’ve finally found the One you were waiting for (their eyes shining brighter than the sun and hair glossier than your car bonnet on free car polish day at your local petrol station), you go to God, delighted at your ‘find’ and God laughs and says ‘Next!’
In today’s society of ‘Modern Christianity’, there is plenty of ‘relationship food for thought’ in the form of books like Joshua Harris’s “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” and there are Christian dating sites, Christian singles events, Christian matchmaking services – yes the church elders do count – but what about finding that Perfect Partner?

We all know the rules by now: don’t date an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14-15), avoid temptation (1Corinthians 6:18) and of course every woman knows that the only way to be is Proverbs 31 and this all works very well in theory but in practice?

Almost two years ago in 2005, I fought both my mind and body to remove myself from a non-Christian and consequently destructive relationship. It took me almost a year after physically breaking away, for my mind to catch up with my decision. In that year I cried out to God asking why I couldn’t meet a nice ‘church boy’. Why the guys I met never completely fit what I had in my mind as the ‘perfect one’, why I always wound up feeling used in my relationships and not loved even when I put my all into them. Guess what? God never answered me. So I stopped thinking about it and concentrated my efforts on getting to know God myself. I stopped taking neck-breaking glances at guys with perfectly bonded six packs in the heat of summer and learned to ignore wolf-whistling wannabe boyfriends at the bus stop.

In 2006 when I had all but joined a nunnery, I met and entered into a Godly relationship with a man whom I now intend to marry.

The Bible tells us to “Seek first the kingdom of heaven and all things will be added unto you.”
As teenagers growing up in a Pentecostal church, my girl friends and I were terrified of being one of those women who got ‘left on the shelf’. In church we were taught about being holy and pure and it sounded so boring I wondered how anyone would be attracted to us. Then, as I watched my friends – Christian and non-Christian – pairing up with their respective boyfriends while I was still left single I began to panic. Surely I wasn’t meant to be alone!

Thankfully the Bible reassured me that I wasn’t (Genesis 2:18) and so I kept praying and waiting…that is until I got fed up with God’s timing and took things into my own hands and boy did I fail…miserably!

Searching for our Perfect Partner’s is not our job thankfully and just as we might want an Audi TT at 21 but a Porsche Boxster at 40, our ‘tastes’ and ‘desires’ in the opposite sex will change according to what stage in our lives we are at and this is reflected in the choices we make. God actually makes it a lot easier for us by sorting it all out and simply sending us a Special Delivery when we are ready.

So why Date?

There is no obvious mention of dating in the Bible and yet society’s decision to indulge in it has affected our young people and so we give them Christian get out clauses and say ‘well you can date as long as you date other Christians.’ This is discussed in detail on Christian website: www.gotquestions.org; “we have to take a step back and separate ourselves from society's view of dating because God's ways are not the world's” (2 Peter 2:20)

Dating has many interpretations. When I tell my non-Christian friends that I have a boyfriend and they know that we are not sleeping together they find it odd and ask how he can be called my boyfriend since it is sex that consummates such a relationship. I pondered this with one of my friends who has ‘broken up’ with her boyfriend because she wants God to prepare her for him. They are both Christians and intend to marry but they have abstained from a relationship as such until they are both ready. (And just for the record, my intended and I are ‘courting’!)
The Word of God only talks about marriage and no other type of relationship between a man and a female…. that is unless Adam and Eve’s strolls in the garden could be called courting.

Marriage is from God. It was re-established as a type of covenant in the New Testament (Ephesians 5:22). Dating however, is a human concept and so even with a Christian spin on it, I don’t think it will ever be truly Godly; because it did not originate from God.

Ever heard the phrase the grass is always greener on the other side? When I was crying out to God and complaining about my plights in Singledom I was more or less free from temptation because there was no one to be tempted by. However now that I am in a relationship with someone I love and believe I will marry; barriers are let down and temptation rushes in daily. Please believe, any chance for the devil to mess up God’s intended, he will take.

I’m not a relationship counsellor or even Christian counsellor but on the subject of relationships I will share with what I have learned. You may think you’ve found your perfect partner and you’re in heaven on earth, or you might not have and you might be sad because everyone around you seems to have found theirs.

Your situation isn't important because when you’re ready, God will show you your partner. But I believe that God’s primary concern is your relationship with Him.
For that’s the relationship that truly matters.

Bible Qs answered: http://www.gotquestions.org/

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  • 5 responses to “Relationship Matters”

    1. Thanks hon, it's weird looking back to think about how sucked in we all were…I'm just glad we left when we did!
      Lol re my ideas….ok maybe! 28 isnt old btw…:s

    2. Anonymous says:

      I've just read 'The Truth' and I was so moved. First I was angry about what the Pastor did to you and your family but I respect you so much for being able to completely forgive the people that hurt you.
      You are an inspirational woman!

      I am interested to hear your ideas on Christian men to Christian women – being single still and just about to turn 28 it is something that is on my mind a lot!

    3. Thank you for your comments!

      Three years ago, when I wrote this, I would have disagreed with the last one but one ex-Christian boyfriend and new husband later… have you read 'The Truth'?

      http://christ-couture.blogspot.com/2008/04/truth.html

      the issue of ratio – Christian men to Christian women is something I have my own ideas on but am not ready to blog about just yet in case I get in trouble 😉

    4. Anonymous says:

      Hmm an interesting perspective there. I think we are right to trust in God to provide for our needs but I don't want to be naive and expect God to just drop a husband in my lap at the right time. I'm sure that happens for some people – I have friends who that has happened to – but God also gives us free will.

      I'm not saying that free will means we should date non-christians etc, what I mean by that is that God won't force our husbands to us but through relationship with him we will eventually choose him at the right time.

      That said, there aren't an equal number of Christian men to women so some of us inevitably will end up single for the rest of our lives…

    5. Anonymous says:

      girl you know what… truth be told, man hunting leaves a bitter taste in one’s mouth once the game is finally caught.

      There’s so many chritians women looking for men, from 13 year olds to 50 year olds, that’s the one thing a woman, no matter how accomplished – wants. You’re spot on, we’re not made to be alone.

      That said, there’s something about being in a relationship with someone you know God has given his consent to you being with.

      The unfortunate thing is most women/girls do not choose their men objectively. A little attention, smouldering hot body and the fact that he goes to church is good enough for some.

      God knows it’s eating away at the spiritual power that could be emitted from praying women – women who could spend the time on their knees praying for their pastors, their church, the unsaved or even cheesy as it may seem – world peace. Instead all that time is spent asking for a good man! What a load of crock…

      Like you rightly stated a good man will come… how about women, particularly young ones from their late teens to their mid thirties, asking God for things that would leave a lasting legacy…

      Am i being too harsh? I wonder what God reckons

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