Queen B(irthday) for a week

...

As it's my birthday this week I thought I'd dedicate this blog post to sharing exactly how I would rule britannia if it was up to me. Well, London anyway. Bearing in mind of course that I've no idea if our Queen E2 actually has this kind of power...anyway it's fine, it's a fantasy!

One
SMOKERS' TUNNELS
Perhaps not as fun as it sounds but I'd have these installed on every pavement on all busy main roads frequented by commuters. These would be mandatory if you want to smoke while walking. You are then free to smoke into each other's lungs and faces. Less passive smoking, more permissive.









No more, no more.

Two
TOURIST TUNNELS (sensing a theme here?)
Built on every heavily tourist populated road. Want to amble along while looking up at the great historic sites that are Britain's finest? Feel the overwhelming need to make frequent camera stops because if you don't instagram it, it basically didn't happen? Struggle to stay inside a reasonable amount of pavement to ensure the whole family gets in the trusty selfie stick photo?
Not to worry! These tunnels are for like-minded people only. If you are on holiday and your very presence is causing distress to the locals then please use this designated space - and once inside, you can stand on any side you like.









Everything is just SO amazing!

Three
PUBLIC TRANSPORT ALERTS
If you are lucky enough to get a seat on a crammed mode of public transport, it would be nice of you to let your fellow travellers know when you are about to get off. That way, they can be sure to stand near you when it is almost time for you to depart. Some people are kind of enough to be vocal about this; others are not. The Public Transport Alert is a digital device which requires you to enter details of your intended exit point as soon as you sit down. When your stop is next, the alert is raised, letting other people know of your impending departure...and giving them a chance to rush to your seat. This will also be helpful in awakening people who have somehow managed to fall asleep during their journey, thus alleviating the need for heart-racing mad dashes to the door in the last few seconds before they shut. In.Your.Face.









They woke up like that.

Four
NATIONAL SERVICE
For every whiny annoying teenager spouting drivel into the latest smartphone, there is a street bin waiting to be emptied of shamefully discarded Primark bags on Oxford Street, an OAP needing help with their food shopping and paperwork in some office, somewhere, needing to be photocopied.
As Queen, I'd enforce the rule that as soon as you leave school (whether at 16 or 18 - although I understand the UK Gov is pushing for the latter), you must spend a year looking after the community you live in. This can involve one or more of the aforementioned activities as well as hundreds of others. The purpose of this is to enforce a sense of responsibility and community amongst the many selfish and direction-less adults of tomorrow.

I feel quite passionately about this. I read this morning that a 70-year-old man was in Japan was in such despair about not being able to pay his rent that he set himself on fire. He had previously told his sister that he didn't have enough money to live on, adding, ‘Do they just want us old ones to drop dead quickly?’
Lawyer Tamano Tsujikawa is a member of a committee on elderly people at the Japan Bar Association. She said, ‘In the old days, elderly people were supported by younger generations. That family function has gone and forced old people to live alone. It’s made worse by economic stagnation.’
Some years ago Gail Wilson, of the London School of Economics and Political Science, published a paper showing how globalization has produced harmful consequences for older people. ‘These developments have been overseen, and sometimes dictated by inter-governmental organisations (IGOs) such as the International Monetary Foundation (IMF), the World Bank and the World Trade Organisation (WTO), while other IGOs with less power have been limited to anti-ageist exhortation,’ she wrote.
According to Dr Dhrubodhi Mukherjee, a former consultant with the World Bank, it is happening all over the world. In India, he says, ‘Globalization has … reduced “family” into a non-viable economic institution for the elderly by promoting urbanized social values of individualism and atomic self-interest.’ Pilgrim' Friend Society 

This is so sad. This should not happen.









Stop.It.
Pic courtesy of swapmeetdave.com

Five
FREE SMOOTHIES ON MONDAYS, FREE PIZZA ON FRIDAYS!
Mondays - first day of the week, what do people need? Waking up! To be Energised! Enthused! Motivated! Take that green goddess or lean mean green burst of nutrition and watch your productivity soar!
Fridays - last day of the working week. Half the office shuts down at 3pm. Is anyone even wearing office attire? Get that pizza in! Let those joyful carbs help soak up the alcohol you've been imbibing since midday and you'll be feeling so guilty about all those calories that you'll be legging it to yoga the next morning! Ok maybe not the next morning...let's go with the following afternoon.









Yogi in training.

Happy living my loyal subjects! 

With love
Your Queen

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