At the end of last year I decided that my word for 2019 would be Trust and I feel like God took me way too seriously.
One of my best friends has been choosing a word for the year pretty much ever since I've known her. She chooses words like Courage, Hope and Faith - encouraging words to remind her everyday life of its energy and purpose. (Non-Christians also do this so if you've stumbled across this accidentally, carry on.)
As a writer, words are particularly important to me so I was reluctant to limit myself to just one for a whole 365/6 days. But 2018 was a year of quite a few changes and glimpses of what my future could look like. Amongst other things, I was interviewed on live radio, conducted an interview in front of a live audience, sat on a live audience panel, was named as "one to watch" by two different publications, pitched and was invited to follow through on a random idea I had for a member's club and had my manuscript considered by three different publishers. It was a year in which I felt as though the life I was living might not be the one I was supposed to have, that there might be another one waiting for me. So at the end of 2018 when I moved into my own place for the first time in my entire life, I decided to give God my 2019 with the word Trust.
I've never felt like I didn't trust God...not exactly. But I feel like - like many of us I guess - I've had plenty of times where I just doubted His judgement tbh. But about 18 months ago, I took myself out of church in order to work out who I thought God was and what business He had being in my life. And it was my glimpses into the lives of past believers - in the Bible and in the many books I read - that showed me that those who got the most out of a relationship with God were the ones who trusted Him completely.
So because I tend to be a person of extremes, I decided to go all in and go pretty big with my trust this year and I always blog "live" so I'm literally living this as I write. I've done the equivalent of throwing myself off the top of a building, with no pre-arranged safety net to catch me. Some would call my decision stupid, reckless even, and I concede I have wondered at myself more than several times in the last month or so. But then there's this daring side of me that wonders what if, what if , this turns out to be the best thing I have ever done? What if this audacious step into the unknown propels me into this amazing life that has been there waiting for me? And all I had to do was Trust Him...
(I actually did an online quiz to see what the internet thought my word of the year should be and it gave me "Hope" but I wasn't keen lol)
Photo by Lauren Lulu Taylor on Unsplash