24

...


Its my party by Lesley Gore (1963)


Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone

Judy left the same time

Why was he holding her hand

When he's supposed to be mine


It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to

Cry if I want to,

cry if I want to

You would cry too if it happened to you


Playin' my records, keep dancin' all night

Leave me alone for a while'

Till Johnny's dancin' with me

I've got no reason to smile


It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to

Cry if I want to,

cry if I want to

You would cry too if it happened to you


[Lead Break]


Judy and Johnny just walked through the door

Like a queen with her king

Oh what a birthday surprise

Judy's wearin' his ring


It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to

Cry if I want to,

cry if I want to

You would cry too if it happened to you

I was 24 last week and although I deliberately kept it low key this year (although I must say thank you to all my wonderful friends who made my day and evening great!), people have not stopped letting me know what implications reaching this age now has. My brother sent me a Happy 30th birthday card and my angelic little cousin sent me a facebook message granting Godly favour for this "your 33rd year"...clearly I inherited all the sensitive genes in my family!

I had goals to reach by this age and if I'm completely honest with myself there are many still oustanding! I used to have dreams that I'd never quite be ready for an exam I had coming up or that the information I needed in order to revise was never ready or available to me on time. I'd wake up panicky that I hadnt done something important. I still feel as though I'm playing catch up in some respects and this is a feeling I have yet to shake off.

People at work tell me that 24 is young and as one of the youngest in my office I suppose I am, but then I pointed out to someone (who was lamenting at being 7 years older than me), that she is a manager, owns her house and is getting married in the summer. That put a whole different spin on things. Ageing in itself may not be something to look forward to but the accomplishments that take place within your years are definitely something to celebrate.

So looking back on my own life, what have I achieved? I do not work in my chosen industry, I do not manage anyone, am not married, do not own my own house, have not travelled the world, do not have children and have never experienced owning a brand new car - that was thrown in for good measure ;).
This is about self-reflection not self-pity so then I looked at my own life and what I HAVE achieved. Erm...I have a full, clean driving licence, I have a degree - which means nothing these days but hey I still got one! I can take out my braids in 4 hours - thats a SKILL trust me! I have had my name in print several times and have been a columnist for a regional paper with byline and photograph, I have trademarked an idea, I have lost it; I have taken it back :), I have looked after children, I have looked after someone through sickness, I have learned to drive barefoot and in flip flops.....!

There is still so much I want to do and achieve but I do not believe my life so far has been in vain. Today at church the speaker talked about giving things up to God and not trying to do things our own way. I love to organise and its frustating sometimes not to be able to organise my life the way I want it to be. There are certain things which I've handed over to God only to ask for it back a few weeks/days/hours later!

So although I sometimes look at my peers and think when will it be me or my elders chastise me for not being married/with child/owning my own home/business, I am trying to maintain my faith that the plans God has for me are plans to give me hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11+

This doesnt mean that I am waiting for God and being idle. I still go about my business, meet people, attempt new things, but I do it knowning that God's way is the best way, that God's time is the best time and although its really, really hard at times, especially now, ultimately, I wont allow myself to stress out about what I cannot control.

I feel a little confused right now. I feel God telling me to hold on its coming. That something I've dreamed about is about to become a reality. I'm tempted to wait and watch. But waiting and watching for something with no physical time limit can become frustrating so I'm getting on with being me. Trying for new opportunities and enjoying the pleasantries of now. And I remind myself that this is only the beginning of my 24th year....I still have a year in which all my dreams can be fulfilled!

There's a part 2 to this song called "Judy's turn to cry" in which the girl who made her cry at her own party gets her comeuppance. Symbolically, I know the time will soon come for me to celebrate and then there'll be no more crying at my party :)

CC Girl xx


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  • 2 responses to “24”

    1. Ha ha thanks Ray 🙂 Sorry its taken TWO YEARS to respond to this post! I'm back to blogging now!

    2. Ray says:

      When I started reading this blog I was thinking “oh great, it’s a pity party”… read along and found it very encouraging! Glad to see you have realised success for yourself and are perusing it!

      – “can take out my braids in 4 hours”?!
      Wow that really is a skill! I normally take that long BUT my sister AND mum hep me out! lol

      – “have learned to drive barefoot”
      lol!

      All the best and God bless you CC girl!

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