I read somewhere today that while words can be important and actions more so, what really tells you about a person's character is the patterns revealed in their own lives.
Of course if you've just met someone, you're not necessarily going to know all the patterns that have played out in the life of your new "friend". Similarly, even if you have known them for aaaages, there's always a chance you're in the year of the anomaly and they'll do something that makes you say, "WTF??".
So it's clearly a bit hit and miss. But in a world where you can buy pretty much everything, what would you add to your list of non-negotiables in a partner?
1. I'd choose a man who is taller than me. Unlike many girls who specify this, at my height and with a penchant for heels I do actually need someone who can keep up with me. (See what I did there?)
|Hurry up and take the photo it's cold up here.|2. I'd choose a man who knows where he is going.
And I don't just mean geographically. Most men will spend a huge majority of their adult waking hours in some kind of work related role. That's got to suck if you hate it. I need a man who enjoys his job and who is focused about his career path. And geographically? I don't need to know where I'm going that's what city mapper
is for. But if we get lost? Then it becomes his problem!
|"I'm sure it's this way.."|
3. I'd choose a man who is active. Don't get me wrong, I love an evening in front of Netflix re-runs as much as the next person (probably more at the moment given my obsession with Orange is the New Black) but it can't be a long term thing. Places to go, people to see etc. You don't pick up much life experience crashed out in front of the "box".
|Just back from my morning 10k run|
4. I'd choose a man who can drive. I don't care if you live in zone one (and stop lying because no one actually working and living in London can afford to live that central) and are quite happy to deal with weekend train delays in order to visit anyone residing outside of the M25. What are you going to do when I'm exhausted halfway through Route 66? Also a driving licence is a much better form of ID to carry around than a passport if you look like a 10-year-old. (Although please note if you do actually look like aforementioned pre-teen then you are already out of the game.)
|Ready when you are!|
5. I'd choose a man who has a good relationship with his father. It's difficult to explain why this is so important to me...maybe because I want children one day so I need to be sure he knows how to be a father. Or maybe because I read recently that most children get their identity and sense of self-worth from that paternal influence. Let's just say I've been paying attention to the behaviour of the men in my life and, as I mentioned earlier, you've got to pay attention to the patterns.
6. I'd choose a man who can make decisions. I'm not being fussy here, I don't even mean that he has to make good ones! Just don't be what the Bible calls a "double minded man" (James 1:8), someone completely unstable; committing to one thing one day, and then completely backtracking the next. Have the courage of your convictions and get your sh*t together!
7. I'd choose a man with a sense of adventure. I want to experience life in all its fullness and we're lucky enough to live in an age where travel is generally easily accessible. Whether just the two of us or with children in tow, I want to embrace every opportunity to discover the amazing world we live in.
|Bear Grylls from www.discoverychannelasia.com |
8. I'd choose a man who is good with his hands. I don't mean that in a *rude* way, although of course that is also a very important factor! But I find myself highly attracted to men who work with their hands (and I don't mean sitting at a desk all day tapping into a computer, I do enough of that for both of us). I like my men to be physically strong and hard-worn hands are usually an indicator of that.
|Like this guy. Possibly the best carpenter ever?|
9. I'd choose a man who is accountable. I learned this the hard way and, as a Christian, I'd prefer the man I'm with to have the same set of values and honour for God - a being of more consequence than all of us. Does he honour and respect his parents or another positive influence in his life? When his behaviour leaves much to be desired, does he get pulled up on it? Either by someone in his life or by his own moral conscience? I think humans are by nature headstrong and selfish so it's important to me that he has a strong moral code that he lives by. If not, what gauge does he use to base difficult decisions? Does he think he's always right? Does he think he can do no wrong? Recipe for disaster!
|"So long as you're half my height you will do what you're told!"|
10. I'd choose a man who chooses me. Self-worth is so important and I'm not interested in being anyone's back-up plan or runner-up for the prize you think you are. Let's get this straight, I'm the prize. Play your cards right and you get me. But only if I'm the first card you pick.
|Say it like you mean it.|